This blog is supposed to be about art and my journey with learning how to draw and paint. Occasionally, I'll cross over into the rest of my life, but not often. When I do, I try to stay away from the heavy or negative stuff of life, although it was really, really important to acknowledge Ella's death in September.
That makes this post way out of character for this blog.
If you just want to share my art journey with me (and that's fine), I would suggest you stop reading this post and go to the next one.
Before I was over the most intense part of grieving for Ella, what was happening in politics and our culture hit me like a ton of bricks and I spent several weeks walking around in a fog. One week after Christine Blasey Ford's brave appearance before the Senate Judiciary Committee, I made a conscious decision to start being open about a painful part of my history.
I was sexually assaulted as a pre-teenager, by one of my brother's friends, and as a teenager, by my mother's second husband.
It's been scary, awkward, messy and uncomfortable to openly reveal this after so many years. While some people knew bits and pieces and several people knew most of it, it's mostly been a secret I've carried around.
I started to tell people by sending an email to my closest friends, followed by an email to my family, and another one to my husband's family. I've received a great deal of love and support back from people. As important and helpful as that has been, something even more important happened. Once I started to share this with people, I was surprised at how much relief I felt from putting down the burden of carrying about this secret. In this crazy, messy world, I have been feeling lighter and freer.
However, that feeling has not carried over to my blog. Since I have not been capable of or able to write a blog post in more than 3 weeks, I think it's time to be open here as well. I am tired of hiding.
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